Were having the wrong conversation about Ariana Grande

We need to talk about Ariana Grande.

Quite literally, the recent nonstop internet discourse about Grande suggests an urgent need to name what's happening to the movie and pop star's body.

Concern mounted in recent weeks as Grande posted Instagram photos of her physique while performing on tour. Some worried the singer was disappearing before their eyes.

SEE ALSO: I tried to scrub weight loss content from my FYP. Here's what I learned.

Then Grande released the music video "Petal." The imagery in the seven-minute-long film prompted worried fans and onlookers to claim Grande has an eating disorder, though she's never shared such information. Rather, Grande has previously pleaded with the public not to comment on her body.

The furor led to an announcement from her team Sunday that she'd be "taking a step back from visibility" following the end of her tour next month.

How to respond to imagery of Ariana Grande

Eating disorder experts who spoke to Mashable say the public shouldn't judge or diagnose Grande, including on social media.

"We have no idea what's what's going on in people's lives, and I think it's very dangerous when we make assumptions," said Johanna S. Kandel, founder and CEO of the National Alliance for Eating Disorders.

The temptation to fixate on or post about Grande, even out of genuine concern, is strong. She's one of the world's most famous celebrities, adored by young girls and women who may aspire to look like her. Grande is also a businesswoman with a distinctly curated image, repping brands like Swarovski and her own cosmetics company, r.e.m. beauty. She possesses immense cultural power.

Still, there's another way to respond to the debate over the singer's health: We should name what's happening to us as a result, said Dr. Elizabeth Wassenaar, regional medical director of the Eating Recovery Center.

After all, Grande's appearance and the public reaction to it can feel legitimately confusing and painful.

That's why it's important to identify how imagery of Grande, along with the related online discussion, makes us feel about ourselves and the people we love — including those who may live with an eating disorder, be in recovery from one, or face fat phobia and discrimination because they live in a larger body.

"We don't want to to squelch the conversations [about] the feelings that are being brought up in people as they're viewing these images," Wassenaar told Mashable. She added that the feelings can include concern, disgust, and even jealousy.

Those emotions are an opportunity to take stock, support loved ones particularly affected by the controversy, and learn more about eating disorders.

The relationships that really matter

Wassenaar understands the vocal concern about Grande. Some people have a parasocial relationship with her. Others fear staying silent will normalize the imagery of her.

Wassenaar believes the collective unease demonstrates concern for Grande as a human. Then there's worry for loved ones exposed to content that could potentially trigger an eating disorder relapse or curiosity about food restriction and dieting.

"So what can we do in those relationships with the people that we are actually connected to?" Wassenaar asks.

How to talk to loved ones

A mom concerned that her tween daughter might see Grande's appearance as aspirational, for instance, can spark a nonjudgmental conversation about the topic.

Wassenaar said it's OK to neutrally observe that bodies naturally change over time, gaining and losing weight for different reasons. The parent can even ask how her daughter feels about the imagery of Grande and the related discussion of her body.

Importantly, though, the conversation should shift to reassuring the tween that she doesn't need to lose (or gain) weight to make herself acceptable to others.

For people who know someone in eating disorder treatment or recovery, Wassenaar suggests supportively reaching out. They can acknowledge the general resurgence of weight stigma, partly due to GLP-1 weight loss drugs, and empathize that both the imagery and discussion of Grande might be difficult or triggering.

Kandel also told Mashable the National Alliance for Eating Disorders helpline is receiving an unprecedented number of calls about "body bullying." While these are unrelated to Grande, the growing and resurgent cultural obsession with thinness is contributing to bias against people in larger bodies, Kandel said.

How to handle your own feelings

For some people, regardless of whether they experience disordered eating, photos and videos of Grande may elicit jealousy or envy, Wassenaar said.

She recommends naming those feelings and the "wish" underlying them. That can include associating a certain body size with better grades, professional success, a new relationship, and personal fulfillment.

Wassenaar suggests following that "thread" to its conclusion, because changing one's body often doesn't lead to the life changes people desire.

Recognizing these dynamics "gives us a key to begin to investigate for ourselves...what about my life isn't where I want it to be, and what kind of work can I do with that?" Wassenaar said.

She also noted people should seek support if imagery of Grande triggers urges to diet or restrict food.

Fear of repeating the '90s and '00s

Kandel said there's a prominent fear that we'll repeat history if we don't talk candidly about Grande's appearance.

The mainstreaming of body inclusivity and positivity movements in the 2010s seemed to leave the unforgiving "heroin chic" beauty standards of the 1990s and 2000s behind — until the emergence of GLP-1s and the reported MAHA politicization of thinness.

For some, imagery of Grande has become a worrisome bellwether of this accelerating trend.

Kandel acknowledged the research demonstrating how imagery of thinness can increase body comparison and body checking for some. Vulnerable viewers may compare themselves to that imagery and think that's what an eating disorder looks like — and that they're not sick enough.

At the same time, Kandel said that expressing concern for Grande's size inadvertently reinforces unhelpful or even harmful judgments about people's bodies.

This tension has put many in a rhetorical bind, but both Kandel and Wassenaar offer a way out.

Instead of adjudicating Grande's size and well-being, Kandel suggests using the debate as an opportunity to learn about eating disorders in general.

The emphasis on Grande, for example, obscures the reality that men and people of color experience disordered eating, as well. Anorexia is also one of several eating disorders, including binge eating and avoidant/restrictive food intake disorders.

Wassenaar said people concerned about the broader societal implications of Grande's appearance can focus on their behavior and activism.

"We can change our experiences with our bodies, and we can influence the young people in our lives by modeling that, and that's what we can control," said Wassenaar.

If you are concerned about your eating behavior, visit the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) website for more information. You can also text CONNECT to 741741 for immediate support from a trained volunteer at the Crisis Text Line.

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